Grieving
by WickedTorchwoodFan
Summary: Harry is trying to deal with his grief after losing Sirius. Sirius/Remus if you squint


Grieving

**Grieving**

Sirius Black was dead.

It took Harry some time to realise he was never going to see the dark features of his Godfather again. He refused to cry but when his Godfather had left him that was all he did. Cry. He hated showing this form of simple weakness but he his body refused to hold them captive. He wandered through the dark hallways of Grimauld Place and angrily hit the walls in passing. Why didn't he just wrench back the veil? He could have saved Sirius but instead he just cried. Cried while holding onto Remus.

Sirius Black was dead.

Harry didn't want to clear the room. It was the sensible thing to do but Harry felt as if it was taking stuff from him. In a way it was. The room was the only thing he had left from his Godfather, apart from gifts. He turned into the corridor which the room was located along and breathed deeply. If he closed his eyes and thought hard, he could still smell the musky scent of his deceased Godfather. He opened his eyes when he heard a scuffling along the hallway. Hermione was shuffling out clutching some items which seemed to be hidden under a sweater.

'Hermione?' Harry called out startling Hermione. She jumped in fright and a book dropped from under her sweater. Harry bent to pick it up and Hermione's eyes widened. He examined the book. It had a dark purple velvet cover with the title written in silver. Harry gasped. It was the present he had given Sirius last Christmas. 'What are you doing?' He snarled in Hermione's direction.

'J...J...Just….' Hermione backed away down the corridor but Harry made no move after her. There was no escape route that way – not that she needed to fear him.

'You were trying to clear his room weren't you?' Hermione started to shake her head but under Harry's intense glare she started to nod. Hermione had drawn level with Harry, having switched her route when she realised she couldn't get away without passing Harry. Harry didn't know what made him do it, he just did it. He raised his hand and backhanded Hermione across the face, knocking her to the floor. Hermione grasped her stinging cheek looking up at Harry through watering eyes. Harry just stared at his hand. He had hit a woman. Worse, he had hit _Hermione. _Sirius would be so ashamed. Thoughts of his Godfather made Harry's eyes well with tears again. He motioned to Hermione to walk past him before sinking to the floor howling his Godfather's name. Remus found him several minutes later still howling. He roughly pulled him into his arms and held him until his tears stopped flowing.

Sirius Black was dead.

Harry wanted to take everyone's sympathy and throw it back at them. He didn't need it, especially Dumbledore's. The old coot believed he actually knew what Harry was feeling. As If! Harry felt as if a whole black space existed where his heart had once been. He was rotten inside and that was why everyone had left him. Even his friends. He knew their concern was faux. He knew they only wanted the recognition when Harry defeated the Dark Lord. Because Harry was going to defeat him. Now he had taken Sirius from him. He just wished the dark void would be filled when he did. By Sirius leaving him, a dark void had opened in his chest and maybe, just maybe, by killing Voldemort, the void would be filled.

Harry had a motive; he _had_ to kill Voldemort – if only to avenge Sirius and his parents. It was all Voldemort's fault that Harry was now alone. It was all Voldemort's fault that Remus no longer had a lover and it was Voldemort's fault that Sirius was dead. Harry had to make him pay.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ten years on a very tired Harry Potter lowered his wand and looked into the fading eyes of his enemy. He had finally done it. He expected to feel a rush of joy or feel a sense of accomplishment now that he no longer had to fight but he didn't. The void didn't even fill itself, he just felt empty. It didn't have the same meaning now. Not anymore. None of it did because Harry felt empty.

Sirius Black was dead.

**A/N Some random thought that went through my head as I sat here checking reviews – talking of reviews…you can see the purple button!**


End file.
